The Clumsy Project ACT IV FINALE

The rest of the day passed like a whirl. All of the village's usual repairs and activity reduced itself to a murmur.  Papa smurf was trying to offer counsel for the smurfs that had been there when we found him. Among them, Hefty was the most shaken up. He seemed to need Papa smurf's help most of all. I didn't want his help… I didn't want anysmurf's help… Without my best friend, I felt lost in the world. Like a lingering soul without a purpose. Like a stick figure in the paintings of Monet or Picasso.

A day or two had passed since that terrible day, and I finally felt ready to go through some of the things in Clumsy's house. I asked Smurfette to help me. I couldn't do it by myself… It felt so wrong to be in there, in such an unsmurfy situation… I felt like a grave robber packing away all of Clumsy's beloved rocks… I haven't felt so terrible since I had to help Papa smurf pack up Alchemist's house.

Every little thing in that room reminded me of Clumsy. The unopened books on the shelves… the shrinking in size rock collection on the shelves… the meticulously made bed… the worn out book of scriptures sitting on the nightstand…. I picked it up, fingering the cross on the cover.

A large part of me wanted to throw the book into the fire. "Where were you…?" I said aloud.

Smurfette turned to me, confused. "Where WERE you? Where were you when he NEEDED you!?" I shouted, feeling angry and heartbroken all at the same time. "If you're so great and powerful, WHY COULDN'T YOU SAVE CLUMSY?!"

I fell to my knees next to the bed, hot, angry tears forcing themselves out in sobs. Smurfette kneeled down next to me and pried the book out of my hands. She set it down on the bed and wrapped me in a warm, motherly embrace. I continued blubbering on her shoulders. Clumsy was my best friend… and yet… yet 'God' let him die so--- so--- HORRIBLY…. "Brainy," Smurfette said softly, weeping quietly. "We're worried about you… Hefty, Handy and I… We think it'd be good for you if you spoke to Papa smurf…"

I shook my head lightly. "I- I- I don't want to…" I whimpered. "I wanna be alone…"

"I don't buy that. Otherwise you wouldn't be going to the funeral tomorrow." Smurfette said plainly.

I nodded my head a little, then numbly rose to my feet and tried to manage through the rest of the afternoon. Then I went home, carrying my little mementos of Clumsy with me- his favorite rock- a piece of the meteor that nearly obliterated him years and years ago- his lucky winter scarf, and a framed piece of paper that hung on the wall that contained his favorite quote of mine. 'It is easy to pretend we are strong. It is much harder to admit we are weak. A true friend, by loving every part of us, teaches us to love our weaknesses.'

I unlocked the door to my little mushroom bungalow, left my mementos on the counter, and went straight to my study. I tried to write a eulogy. But everything I wrote came out more like scribbles. I felt hopelessly depressed and grief-stricken. It felt as though the sun would never rise again… Like all the good in the world was gone, and it was never gonna smurf again.

It felt like there was only one way to end this nightmare that had become my reality.

I scrawled something resembling a note on a piece of paper, and folded it gingerly. I placed it on the kitchen table. Then I walked to the door, turned my key and locked it so no one could interrupt me.  I walked to the kitchen section of my little apartment, and opened up a drawer that I used for storing the items I use when I rarely cook for myself. I selected a long, sharp chef's knife from the mess, and shut the drawer. Life just wasn't worth living without Clumsy beside me… a klutz or not, he was my best friend. I didn't realize what I'd had until it was gone. I had realized that I could never live without my best friend, my bosom buddy, my ROCK.

I placed the knife across my left wrist, tears rolling down my cheeks as I thought of our final conversation. 'Will I loose my dignity?' Of course not. How could I lose what I never had?

I tilted my head back and closed my eyes as I smurfed my final goodbyes to the world.

I cut along my flesh with the sharp knife, trying to make it deep. Just as I began to cut, there was a knocking on the door. Smurf 'em, I thought. There's nothing they can do with the door locked.

I finished cutting the wound, and sat, my back resting on the table leg. Blood rushed from my wound at an alarming rate. I'll probably be dead in another five minutes or so, I thought.  

"Brainy" I heard a familiar southern drawl.

"C-Clumsy?" I said weakly.

Just at that moment, somesmurf kicked my door in. In what looked more like a big blue blur, somesmurf rushed towards me and ripped the sharp knife out of my hands. It was Hefty. He had a shocked, hurt look on his face. "What in smurf's name were you thinking, Brainy?!" he asked, half yelling into my face.

Smurfette was standing behind him, more white than blue. "Hefty, not now! He's--- he's losing blood fast…" She said, trying to remain calm and fight tears. "We have to get him to Papa smurf. NOW."

Hefty nodded, and I tried to shake my head vigorously. "I--- I don't WANNA get better… L-let me die…" I muttered.

"Not a chance." Hefty said, lifting me up.

He practically cradled me. I kicked a bit, trying in vain to escape. Hefty tucked my legs underneath his colossal arms and kept running for the lab. Smurfette was already there, trying tearfully to explain to Papa smurf. I felt only half-conscious when Papa smurf ushered us in and cleared off a table. Hefty laid me down on it, and then secured my ankles with leather bindings so I couldn't fight anymore. Nevertheless, I fought as hard as I could.

I want to die. I WANT to die!!! LET me die!!! My mind screamed, but my mouth wouldn't obey. I fought and fought, until suddenly, my head felt like it weighed a hundred pounds. It wasn't one of Papa smurf's potions. It was probably from losing so much blood. Thinking it would finally be curtains for me, I closed my eyes, relaxed my expressions, and smiled slightly. "Clumsy… I-I'll see you soon…"

My world slipped into darkness.

There was a white light directly ahead of me. I started walking towards it, hoping I would find Clumsy, or maybe Alchemist Smurf or Flying smurf. "Brainy…" I heard the voice of my friend.

"C-Clumsy…" I replied, overjoyed.

He appeared before me, looking as strong and smurfy as he did before he got sick. He was wearing his favorite baggy white slacks, too- big shoes and hat that, even in afterlife, hung in his face almost covering his eyes. The only difference from the Clumsy before me and the Clumsy in my memory was the pair of silvery white wings that sprouted from his back, just behind his shoulder blades. My heart dropped into my stomach, and tears welled up behind my eyes, threatening to fall. I rushed towards him, letting him wrap me in his arms. "Brainy." He said softly, "Y'know you can't stay here."

"Why not…" I said, breathing in his scent, "Nosmurf down there ever appreciated me… I can't live without my best friend by my side."

"That's not true." Clumsy reasoned, "Very soon, a lot of smurfs are gon' need you, Brainy. And they won' be able t' live withou' you."

He broke the hug, and stared at me in the eyes. "You have to go back." He said.

"But… Why'd you have to die…" I said, selfishly not wanting to leave. "The way you died…. It was so terrible…."

Clumsy smiled widely. "Brainy… I didn't even know." He said, "jus' before I was crushed, I saw a light, an' next I knew I was here. He made it so I didn' feel nothin'! but now, they won' let me into that light withou' you acceptin' it."

Now I understood. This is Limbo. Clumsy was a spirit, and couldn't cross over to Paradise until I absolved him. Tears I had been holding back spilled over my eyes. Goodbye truly is the saddest word. "Everything sounds so 'mazin Brainy…" Clumsy smiled as wide as the moon, "I never knew th' world was so fulla sounds…"

He released me from the hug, and started to drift away. "He told me to deliver a message to you, Brainy." Clumsy said, his voice too fading. "He said, 'I was in the cave with Scaredy and Weepy, easing their fears and comforting their sadness. I was with the village, protecting it from destruction so you'd have a place to sleep.  I was with Clumsy and the Angel of Mercy when he was swept into the water wheel. And I was with you, even if you didn't want me there.'"

I couldn't believe it…. "C-Clumsy wait!" I shouted, running towards his fading figure.

"Bye, Brainy." He said, waving happily, "Tell Smurfette I said 'Hi'!"

I came to in a familiar sounding place. Everything looked like fuzz. I groped around, looking for my glasses. I finally felt the cold metal frames, but they were in somesmurf's hand. "H-hello?" I croaked.

My voice sounded hoarse. Like I hadn't used it in a year. Suddenly, the hand holding my glasses moved. The blue blob attached to my glasses shifted, and unfolded my hand from the frames. It gingerly unfolded the frames, and put them over my ears on my face. I felt a lot less blind now. The blue blob holding my glasses and sitting at my bedside was none other than Papa smurf. His eyes were sad and deep. "Welcome back." He said feigning a smile.

How was it possible? How did I survive? "You scared us, Brainy." He said, his voice breaking slightly. "We thought we were going to lose you…"

His voice was even, but his eyes told the story. He was falling apart inside… I looked down, bringing my knees to my chest and hugging my legs. I felt so guilty for making him worry so much… "Brainy… You're not in trouble," He said, putting his hand on my shoulder.

I looked at him. He was blinking back tears, trying to keep his voice even, "b-but I need to know exactly what's in your heart right now." He said, looking at me with his worried, sad eyes. "What was going through your head, Brainy?"

"I--- I felt alone, Papa." I said, trying to keep my voice from cracking. "I felt angry…. Sad… helpless… I felt like death was the only way to see Clumsy again…" I cringed a little, thinking of what almost happened.

"H-he was my best friend…" I said weakly, "I-I-I- miss him so much…"

Papa smurf nodded a little, and rubbed my back. "I--- I saw him, Papa." I said, shakily. "He was there, on the other side…"

Papa smurf seemed surprised. "H-he was stuck in Limbo, and he said he needed me to let him go before he could go to Paradise…." I said, tears bubbling out of my eyes. "S-so I did…"

I drew a few jagged breaths before I spoke again, "I miss him, Papa. I miss him so much." I said weakly.

He pulled me into a warm, protective embrace, and rocked slowly as I cried on his shoulder. He had to do this with a hundred other smurfs…. It's amazing he hasn't run out of tears to cry yet. He shh-ed me a little and continued to rub my back as I sobbed. "Shh… Shh… I know…. It's hard right now…. Everyone's having trouble coping with Clumsy's death." He said in a low voice. "If it makes you feel any better, he didn't die by drowning. Or by the waterwheel."

I sniffled a little like a smurfling and looked at him, confused. "I smurfed a spell over his body so I would know for sure what killed him."  He said, "Clumsy didn't die from either the waterwheel or the water. He died from a sudden cardiac arrest. It's fairly common with smurfs that have his condition. He didn't even feel a thing."

I let that sink in. Clumsy HAD been killed by his condition. And in a way so that he didn't feel any pain… that made me feel relieved… I thanked Papa smurf for all his help, then went to eat lunch, since I was absosmurfly starving.

I walked to Greedy's Mess hall, where lunchtime was in progress. Most of the smurfs were talking in murmurs about the events of the week. I made my way to the line, and got some food from Greedy. He took notice of the bandage on my wrist, but bit his cheek and looked away. I walked along the isles, looking for a place to sit. I found an open seat next to Hefty and across from Smurfette. Hefty had a gauze bandage wrapped around his left elbow. Smurfette had been talking to Handy, but stopped to take notice of me. Hefty turned around, and saw me. I cracked a smile, and shrugged a shoulder. "Hey." I said.

Hefty stood up and took the plate from my hands, placing it gingerly on the table. Then he took me up by the armpits and slammed me up against the wall so I was eye level with him. "What the smurf were you thinkin' Brainy?!" He said angrily, his eyes looking scared and glassy. "Pullin' a stupid smurfin' stunt like that… I- I oughta smurf your block off!"

I felt too shocked to say or do anything. "You're SMURF lucky you and I are the same blood type, or else you woulda died." He said, his voice wobbling a little. "I know you're down about Clumsy"-he winced at the name-"but smurfit, Brainy! You're not the only one who's lost someone they love."

I knew who he was talking about. His twin brother, Dreamy. He'd committed suicide just recently. Hefty just buried him not a month ago. And he didn't even get to say goodbye… I instantly felt horrible. "I-I'm sorry, Hef." I stuttered, feeling shamefaced and remorseful. "I never meant to smurf so much trouble…"

Hefty let me down, crying on the wall above me. "If you're gonna write that eulogy for him," Smurfette said softly, patting Hefty comfortingly, "You'd best do it before supper. Papa smurf delayed the funeral for you."

I nodded, and ate my meal in silence. Immediately afterwards, I rushed back to my house. The door was still broken, and there was a dried puddle of red on the floor next to the table and a red-stained chef's knife lying across the room. The note I left was unfolded, and left on the table. I picked it up, then proceeded to burn it over a lit candle. That Brainy Smurf was gone. And he was never, ever coming back.

I shut myself in my study and smurfed up the greatest eulogy that I ever could've written. Then I dressed myself in my black formalwear, struggling slightly with the tie. I heard a knock, and went to go answer it. Smurfette was standing in the doorway, holding Baby on her hip. "Hi, Smurfette" I said, inviting her in, moving pieces of the broken door so she wouldn't hurt her delicate feet.

She was dressed in a black summer dress, with low black heels and a black hat. Her make up was simple and less heavy around her eyes.  Baby was wearing a dark gray set of pajamas, as if the little guy's innocence made the black colors fade. "Hello, Brainy." She said with a feigned smile.

I saw her flinch and cover Baby's face when she saw the dried puddle and the knife on the other side of the room. "I'm- sorry about the mess…" I apologized, moving a chair for her, "I just got back from the lab."

She nodded, and accepted the seat. "I understand… I came by to see how you were doing," She said, "Papa smurf wants us to come and check on you every little while… make sure you're okay."

I nodded. That's understandable… I did try and kill myself. "Yeah. I'm okay." I said, cracking a slight smile. "You all ready to go to the funeral?" I asked plainly.

She nodded a little bit, swallowing hard. "As ready as I'll ever be, I suppose." She said, standing.

Baby garbled a little in reply. The three of us walked to the village square, where the entire village was gathered to pay their respects. The funeral itself was demure, but still effective. There was a casket directly to the left of the podium. It was hard to believe that he was in there… that he would never come out…

I shook the thought and sat in the second row behind Smurfette and Vanity. Seeing our arrival, Papa smurf cleared his throat and spoke above the crowd. "My little smurfs, we are here to celebrate the life of Clumsy smurf." He said.

The mere mentioning of the name brought tears to some smurfs, Hefty among them. "Clumsy was such a simple fellow… He loved his rock collection… he loved smurfberry pies… and he loved his friends." Papa reminisced. "He was always offering help to those in need, even after that help was refused.

"He--- he often offered to help me in my lab… but I got tired of cleaning up his messes…" Papa said, looking at the wooden podium. "I think I'll regret not spending more time with him... he deserved it as much as any other smurf…"

Poet took Papa smurf's place behind the podium. "This…. This terrible tragedy plunged me into a severe case of writer's block," Poet admitted, studying the wood grains in the pedestal. "Nothing I wrote seemed good enough… So… So I decided to smurf an exert from a human poem…"

The other smurfs were alarmed. Poet with writer's block? Not reading his own poetry? It must've hit him hard… Poet read loud and clear in his almost musical voice,

"The dew of the morning
Sunk chill on my brow--
It felt like the warning
Of what I feel now.
Thy vows are all broken,
And light is thy fame;
I hear thy name spoken,
And share in its shame"

The other smurfs wept and applauded Poet for his reading. I sat there and let he sad words wash over me. One by one, other smurfs gave a short eulogy. Most everyone who spoke expressed their regret for his treatment. They all regretted the way they spoke to Clumsy, the way they acted towards him. But overall, most everysmurf made some swipe at his balance problems. Jokey even went so far as to joke that he'd been smurfed on his head before the stork brought him to Papa. That made me feel angry, and hurt all at the same time. Who on Smurf was Jokey smurf, resident lunatic, to say anything about CLUMSY getting smurfed on his head?! The grapes of that smurf!

Soon enough, it was my turn to speak. I stood and made my way to the podium, adjusting my glasses before I spoke. "Clumsy smurf was my best friend…" I started "Smurf, he was everybody's best friend. But he was mine most of all.

"Clumsy was undoubtedly the most simple of us smurfs. He was quick to laugh, slow to cry and even slower to anger. He loved swimming. He especially loved his rock collection…." I started trailing off, then snapped myself back to attention. "A lot of you don't know this about Clumsy… but---- he was never supposed to live to be 193 years old."

Smurfs in the crowd muttered and garbled among themselves for a moment. "Clumsy had a mental condition that made him the way he was. As well as being partially deaf." I paused for a moment, letting that all sink in.

All the smurfs chattered amongst themselves, confused, understanding, regretting. I tried as hard as I could to avoid the tears in my eyes. "I-in the final days of his life," I said, trying to keep my voice loud and even, "Clumsy asked me something I'll never forget. He asked me 'Will I lose my dignity?'

"I didn't understand the question… So he repeated it, 'when this thing takes my life, will I lose my dignity?'" the tears I had been fighting bubbled over my eyes. "He said, 'I'm proud of who I am. But not everysmurf is.'"

I had to take a few deep breaths and lift my glasses to wipe my eyes before I could continue. "'So that's why I'm asking: Will I lose my dignity?'" I said, finally letting the tears overtake me.

Papa smurf patted me on the back, trying to help me through the rest of my speech. "I'm sad he's gone from my sight," I admitted, nodding my head, "But I'm not sad knowing where he is right now. And I'm especially not sad to know that his death was relatively painless. His heart stopped before he could drown or have his neck broken by the waterwheel." I paused to take a breath, "It was a part of his condition… heart problems, that is."

I started crying more. Come on. Just a couple more lines, I told myself. "I am SMURF proud to have known Clumsy smurf." I said, my voice wavering. "I am proud, smurfed and BLESSED to have known a smurf like Clumsy." I paused to take another deep breath, "Clumsy, You will always be my best friend. Nothing will ever change that." I said in conclusion, leaving the podium and returning to my seat.

Papa smurf led a teary-eyed prayer, and carried the casket with Hefty, Smurfette, Handy, Tracker, and me. Clumsy's headstone was simple, yet left an impact on me. The casket was lowered into the grave, and Miner covered it with soil. Smurfette and I stayed and covered the dirt with the rocks and stones from Clumsy's collection. It just--- felt right… they probably would've been lost in the smurfy abyss otherwise.

I was the last to leave the burial. I put my hand on the headstone, and said my final goodbyes to my fallen friend. "Clumsy… You were the smurfiest friend anyone could've ever asked for." I said, "But I've got to let you go. I-I just wanted you to know that you'll always be my friend… and I'll always remember you."

I left the gravesite, and went to go home. It was a few days before I started to feel better. But I did feel better, at least. I had cleaned up the mess in my kitchen and asked Handy to fix my door. Everything in the village seemed to be calming down, returning to normal.

One day, about a week after the funeral, I heard a knock on my front door. It wasn't uncommon for me to get visitors- Papa smurf had me on "suicide watch" for awhile, and I'd get a visit from somesmurf every day just to check on me. I went to go answer it, putting my pen back in my inkwell. Papa smurf stood in the doorway. "Hello, Papa smurf." I said with a smile, "I'm doing just fine, actually working on a new book. Not feeling depressed at all."

"That's good, Brainy. I'm glad to see you've mostly recovered." Papa smurf said with a smile. "But that's not the reason I'm here."

I was a bit confused. "Why then?" I asked.

Papa smurf beckoned me out the door "Come with me," he said, "There's something I think you'll want to see."

I was a little confused, but followed Papa smurf nonetheless. I followed him all the way to Farmer's fields, where there was a small group of smurfs huddled together. "What's that?" I asked Papa smurf.

Papa smiled some more, and walked towards the group. "You'll see." He said.

I followed him to the group. "Ah, there you two are!" I recognized Greedy smurf among the group. "Now we can start."

In a circle sat Poet, Painter, Greedy, Hefty, Handy and Smurfette. "What is this?" I asked.

Poet stood up. "My name is Poet smurf, and I am dyslexic."

Poet sat down, then Painter stood up. "Oui, mai name is Paintair smurf, and Ah have Bipolar disorder."

Painter took his seat, then Greedy stood up, cupcake in hand. "My name is Greedy smurf, and I am a compulsive eater."

Greedy took a big bite of his cupcake and sat down. Hefty stood. "My name is Hefty Smurf, and I have Post-Traumatic-Stress- Disorder."

Ah. From the ordeal with Dreamy. I thought. Hefty sat and Handy stood in his place. "My name is Handy smurf, and I am 10 years orb-free." He said proudly.

Ohh… He's referring to that little incident awhile back when Poet brought Orb to the village, and him and the others went a bit crazy with it. I thought. That was certainly an unsmurfy ordeal… Handy sat down, and Smurfette stood. "My name is Smurfette, and I recovered from depression."

I sat there, feeling bewildered. Poet soon stood again, holding a piece of parchment. "Now, I think it would be smurfy if we smurfed off tonight's meeting with the singing of our anthem for Brainy and Papa smurf."

The others nodded in reply, then stood altogether and sang in unison.

"Will I lose my dignity?
Will someone care?
Will I wake tomorrow
From this nightmare?

Forget regret. Or life is yours to miss
No other road,
No other way
No day but today."

Upon concluding the song, the six smurfs sat down. Still astonished, I turned to Papa smurf "W---what is all this?" I asked.

"These six were inspired by what Clumsy said to you about being proud of who he was," Papa smurf explained, "So these smurfs decided to form a group to help each other deal with these things that make them feel ashamed, or that just make them different."

Painter nodded his head "Oui! Monsieur Clumsy! He eest inspiaration for zees!" he said with a wide smile.

"We call it 'The Clumsy Project,'" Poet said, closing his eyes in remembrance of their fallen friend. "Formed to help smurfs like Clumsy, living everyday with these traits and disorders that make us unique."

Hefty nodded. "And we figured that since you were his best friend, you might want to sit with us on some of the meetings." He suggested.

I was almost to the point of tears. "You--- You all did this to honor Clumsy…?" I said, still feeling a bit astonished.

They nodded their heads simultaneously. "It may not have seemed like it," Handy said, "But Clumsy left big handprints on all of our hearts. It'd feel wrong not to honor him like this."

I blinked away tears. "You guys…" I said with a smile, "I would be proud to sit in on your meetings."

The six smurfs chattered in gratefulness and proceeded with their meeting.

The meeting of The Clumsy Project was now in session.